On a warm sunny June day in the far north Kimberley, many hard and corrugated kilometres along the road to Kalumburu and the Mitchell Plateau, a lot of bad things can happen.
And usually do.
At our bush camp alongside the King Edward
River, 100 kilometres north of Drysdale River Station, I’m on a borrowed
satellite phone, making no attempt to disguise the anxiety in my voice generated
as much by our dire predicament as it is by the eye-watering cost of the call,
measured in increments of seconds. I’m talking with the Land Rover Roadside
Assistance centre in far-away Queensland, and the conversation with the genial
Caitlin is going something like this:
“Caitlin we need help please. I’ve blown a
rear shock absorber on the Kalumburu Road, and another one on the camper
trailer. I need a tilt-tray truck to get us out.”
“Certainly Mr Milner, I’m sure we can
organize something for you. If we can get a recovery truck to you in a couple
of hours would that be okay?”
“Caitlin, you’ll be lucky to get a truck to
us within a couple of days, let alone
a couple of hours. I’m calling you on a satphone, at a bazillion dollars a
minute, from (and I spell it out) King Edward River Crossing, 100 kilometres north
of Drysdale River Station, in the far north Kimberley. Google it, please…”
“Oh….I see….Oh
dear…”
The road to Kalumburu and Mitchell Falls. Horrible corrugations. |
For off-road die-hards, adventurous grey
nomads and young families alike, the Gibb River Road through the heart of the
Kimberley region has become something of a holy grail. To say ‘we’ve done the
Gibb’ seems almost a badge of honour, a phrase worthy of saving up and dropping
into suburban barbecue conversation in such a way that, if your timing is good,
can be assured of eliciting gratifying gasps of awe from envious family and
friends.
Actually, these days much of the Gibb
itself is a bit of a doddle. Constructed as a stock route to get cattle from
the Kimberley’s million-acre stations to the export ports of Wyndham and Derby,
the road once had a fearsome reputation as a breaker of suspensions and dental
fillings. These days, depending the work of the graders, and your right foot,
you could be pretty confident of driving a Toyota Camry along its 670km without
breaking too much. There are still some suspension-busting rough patches, but
it’s nowhere near the horror road of even a few years ago.
Three years ago my wife and I had towed a
rented camper trailer with my then-new Range Rover Sport from Perth to Broome
and along half of the Gibb’s length from the south-western (Derby) end and back
with nothing more troublesome than one flat tyre and a car full of red dust so
stubborn that after every wash it was still dribbling out of crevices two years
later.
We’d loved the adventure, the camaraderie
of the campgrounds, and the spectacle of the big country so much we were
determined to do it again. But by now I’d been seduced by the boat-towing ability,
awesome off-road capabilities and sheer luxury of the full-size Range Rover 4.4
TDV8. After months of searching, I’d found exactly the one I was after, a white
L322 2012 model with just under 13,000km on the clock and well-and-truly still
under new car warranty. It was for sale at an excellent price, (and less than a
new Landcruiser Sahara!) I took possession and immediately began planning for
my new pride and joy’s first major off-road adventure.
But I was more than a little nervous, not
the least because a Range Rover is not a Toyota. A Range Rover isn’t even a
car, it’s a hobby. And in spite of billions of development dollars tipped in by
relatively new owner Tata Motors, vast improvements in technology, engineering,
engines and transmissions – there is daylight between a Rangie of today and even
the mid-nineties – these very British vehicles still suffer a hangover of
reliability doubts.
Yet thanks to stunningly effective
marketing over many decades, and dozens of awards, Land Rover has done a
brilliant job of selling the Rangie and its siblings as the ‘Gold Standard’ in
luxury off-road vehicles.
While the agricultural Defender and tricked
‘n slicked Discovery are rightly marketed as serious off-roaders, the Vogue and
little brother Sport’s similar off-road abilities are submerged under LR’s
polished pitch to the up-market urban buyer. This would be the big Rangie’s
real test. Would it hold up? Is it the real deal, a world-class off-road
champion? Or is the full-fat Range Rover just an overblown, over-engineered
urban status symbol almost entirely designed for Sydney stockbrokers who’ll never venture
further than Bowral?
Well, as it turns out, a bit of both.
But while I had no doubts my Rangie’s
gymnastic wheel travel and advanced Terrain Response system was more than
competent in the rough stuff, I was less confident about those ridiculous 20
inch wheels, so large you can only fit relatively low-profile tyres, in my
case, Cooper LTZs bought specially for this trip to replace the standard
Continental road tyres. I was comforted only a little by Land Rover’s
much-touted pledge to recover a disabled vehicle from anywhere, no matter now
remote, if any of the vehicle’s systems suffered catastrophic failure.
20" wheels - barely appropriate for the Aussie outback. |
It had started perfectly predictably. A
three-day drive to Broome where, after celebrating Michelle’s 50th
birthday with friends and family who flew in and back home again, we collected
the familiar Camprite heavy-duty off-road camper from Brett & Kathy
Campbell’s Travelabout Camper Hire, loaded up, and the following day drove out
of town for the famous Bungle Bungle range in Pernalulu National Park via
Fitzroy Crossing and Halls Creek on the blacktop Great Northern Highway. It was
there where we would meet friends, Glenn McLean and his
wife Jacquie, who had driven up the east coast from Melbourne and across the
Top End.
The 53km drive into the Bungles from Great Northern Highway is often touted as ‘challenging’. It’s certainly slow – allow up to two hours – and you certainly can’t take caravans in, only single-axle camper trailers. But in the middle of the dry season there’s only a handful of shallow creek crossings to negotiate, and the road itself, while steep and winding in places, is in generally good condition.
Bungle Bungle Ranges, Pernalulu National Park |
For the next few days we enjoyed the
eye-watering spectacles of over-saturated colour only the billion year old ranges,
gorges and plateaus of the Kimberley can offer. At El Questro – now a massive
American-owned enterprise, much bigger and more commercial than when I first
visited in 1991 to film a TV story on founders Will and Celia Burrell – we
bathed in the warm waters of 1800 million year old Zebedee Springs and walked
through the towering Emma Gorge for a swim under the permanent waterfall, in
water so cold it takes your breath away.
Michelle and me after a barramundi fishing session on the Pentecost |
Pentecost River at Home Valley Station. The most photographed river crossing in the Kimberley. Crocs make it a bit risky to get out and check the depth! |
This, it turns out, would be the Rangie’s
downfall. But it would be in good company. LandCruisers, Patrols, Pajeros and
Prados would all suffer the same fate.
A hundred and seventy five kilometres west of Home Valley we turned off the Gibb and headed north to Drysdale River. Well aware of the limitations of silly 20-inch tyres, I had let them down as much as I dared, to about 33 pounds cold, and even then we were careful to keep our speed down to 60kmh over the short, sharp corrugations that soon made themselves heard, and much slower as the road surface deteriorated the further north we drove. But Glenn and I were continually amazed at how many vehicles went past us in both directions, barreling along at 80, 90, even 100kmh.
Wayne, Drysdale River Station |
But it’s not all road-based tourism. Behind
the station homestead, we counted six - six! – helicopters parked in a paddock.
All of them were being flown by their owners and friends on a private
round-Australia jaunt, casually dropping in on various otherwise-inaccessible
fishing spots. Now that’s the way to do
a Kimberley trip!
You can get unleaded and diesel here, diesel
at an eye-popping $2.40 a litre! It’s expensive to truck fuel up to here. The
previous day we’d overtaken a BP tanker, crawling along at walking pace over
the corrugations. We fuelled up, took a deep breath, and drove back onto the
Kalumburu Road and across the Drysdale River.
The 100km drive to the King Edward River crossing was appalling. Keeping our speed to 40kmh or less gave little comfort, as the corrugations became more widely-spaced and deeper. We cursed other drivers who drove far too fast, with tyres far too hard, and I was convinced this was the cause of the road’s dreadful condition. Cossetted by the Rangie’s air suspension and plush upholstery, we were quarantined from much of the violence, but I had no doubt about the impact it was having on unsprung weight in a vehicle and camper combination tipping the scales at 4.5 tonnes.
The 100km drive to the King Edward River crossing was appalling. Keeping our speed to 40kmh or less gave little comfort, as the corrugations became more widely-spaced and deeper. We cursed other drivers who drove far too fast, with tyres far too hard, and I was convinced this was the cause of the road’s dreadful condition. Cossetted by the Rangie’s air suspension and plush upholstery, we were quarantined from much of the violence, but I had no doubt about the impact it was having on unsprung weight in a vehicle and camper combination tipping the scales at 4.5 tonnes.
Disconcertingly, we were already beginning
to see evidence of the road’s destructive tendencies. First, a tilt-tray truck
travelling in the opposite direction with a camper-trailer lashed to its tray.
A few kilometres further on, another camper trailer abandoned by the roadside,
one wheel missing. Finally, after two and a half hours of anxiety, we crossed
the King Edward River and pulled into the campground. And discovered that even
my careful nursing so far hadn’t been enough. The camper’s right side shock
absorber had given up the ghost. But there was worse to come.
Next morning, with the campers left behind, we headed up the Mitchell Plateau Track, Michelle & I in front, Glenn and Jacquie a few hundred metres behind our dust cloud. If anything, the going was worse than the Kalumburu Road. John from Drysdale River had started to grade the track from the eastern end, but he hadn’t got far by the time of our visit. We weren’t able to do any more than 25kmh, and even that was hard work. And yet, to our amazement, Land Cruisers and Prados were belting past us – overtaking in our dust – at more than double our speed.
Less than 20km into the 85km trip, Glenn
called on the UHF: “Mate, you’re dropping some kind of fluid on the dirt…” We
stopped, blocking one side of the track. There was nowhere to pull over. A look
under the right rear of the Rangie and my worst fears were realized. Hot
hydraulic fluid was oozing over the suspension, dripping in smelly, smoking
puddles in the gravel. While the girls watched and fretted, we jacked the car
up and removed the wheel. Yep, the shock absorber was blown.
(I learned much later from experts on the
Aulro forum that 25-35kmh was the ‘speed of death’ for shock absorbers on rough
roads. Fast enough to generate enormous heat, but too slow to keep them cool.)
We were so near, yet so far from our destination. But as far as Michelle and I were concerned, our holiday was over. But what now? Miles from anywhere, in a Vehicle That Is Not A Toyota? Sweating profusely as we replaced the wheel and let the car down, we pondered the options. And kept pondering them as we gingerly turned the vehicles around and picked our way back to the campground back at the crossing. Borrowing a satellite phone from one of the many tour groups travelling in big off-road buses, I called Barbagallo Land Rover in Perth. It was 4pm, the service manager couldn’t be found, and in any case he would be heading home shortly. We hit the hay that night, and I woke up at 2am wondering how – if, even – a replacement shockie could be found, and how where we were going to get it here.
Glenn’s HiLux dual cab had towed their
camper trailer 15,000km from Melbourne without an issue. I quietly appreciated
his restraint. He didn’t once even whisper ‘Ya shoulda bought a Tojo mate…”
In the morning, in exchange for a couple of
bottles of wine, I borrowed another satphone, this time from a generous group
of jovial middle-aged off-road bikers from Melbourne, and called Roadside
Assist, Land Rover’s outsourced service provider. Thus ensued the rather
convoluted conversation at the beginning of this story. They couldn’t help.
Apparently the ‘fine print’ didn’t allow them to send a recovery vehicle to a
non-gazetted road. I started to wonder about the point of a recovery program
for an ‘off-road’ vehicle that only worked if you were on a recognized road.
More horror stories emerged from other
campers. Two Pajeros, both with shockies destroyed by the road. One had even
had heavy duty Konis installed only a few days before in Kununurra. A tilt-tray
was on its way from the same town to haul his car and trailer out, hopefully
with replacement parts on board for the other Pajero. And from the Mitchell
Falls itself, the story emerged of a Landcruiser owner who was getting
replacement shock absorbers helicoptered in from Kununurra, for an eye-watering
$2,000!
But in the far north, there are no
replacement shocks for a Range Rover Vogue. And even if there were, I didn’t
have the tools, the expertise or the inclination to attack such a job in the
bush, with a single bottle jack and a set of spanners.
(I was to discover later that no shockie
other than a Land Rover one will fit. Even the left and right hand side are
different part numbers.)
We resolved to nurse the car and camper
back to Drysdale, and figure it out from there, while Glenn and Jacquie made
the long-anticipated trip to the falls. We’d catch up with them the following
day.
The trip back to Drysdale was horrific. It
took us more than 5 hours to cover the 100km. Even at 5kmh, the now un-shocked
Rangie’s rear was subjected to a level of violence I feared would shake the
thing to pieces. Over and over again, while Michelle tried to sooth my nerves,
I swore loudly as we hit another vicious stretch of corrugations. I stopped and
measured them – 600mm apart, it seemed they were specifically designed to do as
much damage as possible to man and machine. We encountered another pair of
vehicles towing campers, stopped by the side of the road, the two men sweating
underneath one of the trailers. Two of the trailer’s four springs had snapped.
After makeshift repairs, they turned back south. It wasn’t worth the effort.
I had thought I might be able to nurse the
car and camper all the way down the Gibb to Shinju Motors, the authorized Land
Rover agent in Broome. But the fear of doing more damage to an already wounded
vehicle put paid to that. And the hired camper wouldn’t have made it either.
The pay-phone at Drysdale River Station. It was in high demand from dozens of travellers with broken vehicles and trailers. |
There was another problem – getting a
replacement shock absorber. I called the dealer in Perth and spoke to Gordon
Wales, the service manager. (Like many Land Rover customers, I was on first
name terms with my local service manager.) “Greeg,” he said in his thick
Scottish brogue, “I’ve got some good news, and some bad news. We’ve found you a
replacement shock absorber. It’s in Melbourne!”
Gordon, I said, what if I need more than
one?
“Er…they’re in England.”
Tempting…but no. Fine for a half-hour trip
to the dealer’s workshop in Sydney or Melbourne, but I wasn’t brave enough to
suggest to my wife that she sit in a truck cab for 15 hours, including a couple
of hours by the side of the Gibb in the middle of the night while the driver
took a nap.
So I called Broome Air Services and hired a
small Cessna to make the four-hour round trip to pick us up. A lazy $2,310 on
the credit card. Ouch.
Darryl the truckie arrived at Drysdale just
before the aircraft touched down at the station’s strip, and as we took off we
looked down to see the Rangie sitting ignominiously on Darryl’s truck, enveloped
in a cloud of red dust as he began the long slow haul down the track to Broome.
Fifteen hours later, he pulled up in Broome. He took a snap of his odometer:
666,666km. The devil’s number, twice!
Relaxing with truckie Darryl Pearson after he'd delivered our car and camper to Broome. Took him three days. Grateful, we bought him a hotel room, a meal and as many beers as he wanted:-) |
But it was never going to be as simple as
that. Two days later we discovered that no, being a part containing compressed
fluids, it was classed as a ‘dangerous good’ – air bagging it was out. It had
to come by road to Perth, then up to Broome, 7,000km!
We did the sums. It would mean another two
weeks before we’d be back home. Land Rover, to their credit, decided to truck
the part to Perth, fly us home, and truck the Rangie down from Broome. In the
meantime, they’d provide us with a hire car until ours was fixed.
Four days after we returned to Perth, my
now-repaired Rangie was delivered back to me.
Now that’s what I call service!
I asked Land Rover's product manager James
Scrimshaw for a comment on the whole episode.
"Owners (planning remote trips) should
consider expert tuition from a qualified Land Rover Experience instructor. With
regard to comments on the suitability of the wheels, 20" wheels are fitted
to the most powerful versions of the Range Rover to accommodate the larger
performance brakes. The least pwoerful models are fitted with 19" wheels
as they do not have the same brake package fitted."
Some conclusions, and useful suggestions
for anyone contemplating an expedition to some of the most breathtaking country
in Australia:
1)
I’d never attempt such a trip
again in any vehicle shod with 20
inch tyres. Even my previous car, a Sport with 19s, was pushing it. Eighteens
would be better.
2)
I’d carry spare shock
absorbers. Everyone carries spare tyres – I had three, and didn’t have a single
flat – but nobody we spoke to on this trip had spare shocks. For any vehicle. And,
over heavy ground, I’d stop every few kilometres and check the temperature of
the shockies. And if too hot, let them cool down.
3)
Would I do it again in a
Rangie? Given bigger tyres, absolutely. Land Rover’s Roadside Assist people did
an excellent job in trying circumstances. And I’m pretty sure that of all the
cars and trailers that had to be pulled out of the Kimberley in the week or so
we were there, mine was the only manufacturer who picked up the tab.
Considering I’m probably the only owner of
a near new Range Rover in Australia to ever attempt to get to Mitchell Falls,
there wasn’t a lot of directly comparable experience to fall back on prior to
making the trip. As an exercise to determine if an off-the-showroom-floor
Rangie could cut the mustard, it was, to say the least, interesting.
But I have no doubt, knowing what I now know about shock absorbers, I'll get there next time. In supreme comfort, in a Rangie. With higher-profile tyres!
But I have no doubt, knowing what I now know about shock absorbers, I'll get there next time. In supreme comfort, in a Rangie. With higher-profile tyres!